Why Isn't Dr. Parik Twitter's New CEO? And How Come COVID Variants Are Named Like EV Startups?

This week's meme diagnosis tackles @Jack's Twitter drama, buying land in the metaverse, and ongoing inflation woes...

Hi, I’m Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA, Esq. If you don’t know me already, I’m a Chartered FinMeme Analyst (CFA) with a particular expertise in #stonk valuation (pro-tip: just multiply by two). 

I’ve been told that I have a particularly special insight into the world of finance and memes, so I decided to set up this newsletter to share my thoughts on the latest news, memes, and everything in between!

Expect a newsletter at least twice a month, and follow me on Twitter for more updates and daily musings. For this week’s newsletter, I’m going to highlight my favorite memes of the week and offer my “diagnosis” on their virality.

This week’s meme lineup includes proof why I am more qualified than Parag Agarwal to be Twitter’s new CEO (at least in terms of follower count), how the new COVID variant sounds like a shady EV startup, and thoughts about buying property and starting a family inside the metaverse.

And, in case you missed it, check out my interview with the one and only Litquidity, which ran in the previous newsletter.

Summary: Do you know the new CEO of Twitter? Well, me neither. Shortly after rumors were leaked that Jack Dorsey, former CEO and founder of the company, was about to resign, it was announced that Parag Agarwal, then CTO of Twitter, would take his place. After eight years of Twitter’s stock price basically returning nothing, this bold move could be exactly what Twitter shareholders who bought at the IPO need to finally make some money.

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: If follower count is any indication of value (I get all my value from it), Parag has some work to do. He has fewer followers than I do, despite joining the platform in 2008! This clearly demonstrates that I would make for a much better CEO of Twitter.

Summary: Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, you might have heard that a new Covid variant has taken the world by storm once again — this time by the name “Omicron.” The mutation was first discovered in South Africa and has since spread across the globe. Although the market has reacted negatively, researchers at the World Health Organization do not yet know whether the virus is more transmissible or severe, but evidence suggests that most cases of this variant are “mild.”

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Is it just me or does “Omicron” sound like a zero revenue EV startup that has just gone public at a valuation of $100 billion? After all, there’s already a cryptocurrency under the ticker $OMIC. Don’t need to ask me twice to ape in…

Summary: First, crypto was stupid. Then, NFTs were stupid. Now… digital land is stupid. A growing number of investment firms are buying digital land in places like “Decentraland,” a kind of decentralized virtual planet powered by crypto.

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Clearly, the solution to all these new Covid variants is living life inside the metaverse. If people are willing to spend hundreds of thousands on a JPEG of an ape, why not splash out on a digital house? And why stop there? Why not digital food? Digital cars? Digital wife (and her boyfriend)? The metaverse just might be the future we deserve… 

Summary: Last week, inflation was transitory. But it turns out that narrative was transitory. Fed Chair Jerome Powell came out and finally said what everyone was thinking — prices will likely continue going up. With lingering supply chain issues and the new Omicron variant likely causing further problems, prices may keep going up through next year.

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Why is it that all prices except the prices of stocks in my portfolio are going through the roof? Nowadays, it isn’t enough buying and holding great businesses. The best returns can be found in buying a 2003 Toyota Corolla from a dodgy car dealership and holding for a month before selling for double what you paid.

Closing Thoughts:

  • Adios, @jack! If things don’t work out with Parag, you can certainly DM me about taking over as Twitter CEO
  • Don’t be surprised if you see Dr. Parik buying a vacation home inside the metaverse 
  • It’s increasingly hard to differentiate between new Covid variants and vaporware startups, at least in name
  • Inflation is still not doing my portfolio any favors

~ Dr. PP out

Subscribe to Dr. Parik Patel's Newsletter

The official newsletter of the internet's favorite meme doctor...

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.